Intolerable judges' cruelty

Judges' houses - the results
Tx: 4th October 2009

Last night! People sang! Sinitta, Will Young, Ronan Keating and Kylie were all there! Tonight! We learn who "our" finalists are!

Titles!

Dermot is in the exact same spot in Hollywood as he was last night. He reminds us where everyone went and with whom. The acts talk about how much they want to go through, because their lives depend on it, or something.

In Dubai, Dannii is fanning herself and looking into the distance, ready to break the news to the girls. Lucie is first to learn. She reckons she went to the first audition because she wanted to see what people thought of her, and she never thought she would progress this far - "I'm living my dream. That's the cheesiest thing ever," she declares, showing a surprising amount of self-awareness. She wants to make Wales proud [Drrrrrink! - Rad].

She sits on a chaise longue with Dannii, and she's crying already. Dannii wants to know that her act has X-factor. Lucie is, of course, going through, and she hugs Dannii - "Are you joking? Thank you SO MUCH! I LOVE YOU!" Dannii is happy. Lucie hurls herself at Dermot, which is funny. Dermot doesn't seem to mind.

Yesterday, Nicole totally fucked up Lately, and then cried. She hopes Dannii will take her other performances into account. Stacey M wonders if she did enough, and would be devastated to tell her mum and dad she didn't make it. Rachel says her experience has been amazing, and she hopes she has done enough and doesn't want to let Dannii down. Aw.

Dannii tells Nicole that it was a hard decision, and she has a unique talent, but lacks confidence and calmness. She tells Stacey that she is concerned about her strength as a solo artist, and tells Rachel that she felt yesterday she had arrived. Everyone cries. Nicole's not going through (and gets hugs from Dannii and Dermot); nor is Stacey (who claims to be heartbroken); but Rachel is. Dannii is highly amused at having faked her out. Dermot nearly gets garotted by an overexcited Rachel.

One place left - Stacey S v Despina. Despina wants to make her parents happy, which is all she has ever wanted to do. Stacey can't believe she's here and has met Kylie. Where is Stacey's baby, please? Stacey mocks people who say The X-Factor is the biggest day of their lives, but she thinks it is the biggest day of her life too. [I quite liked that side of her, although it makes me worry that I'd turn into a simp if I got to judges' houses too. Not that that's an especially pressing concern, all things considered. - Steve] Dannii tells Despina that she has been fantastic since the first audition - she has the looks and the voice, but her concern is her connection when she performs. Dannii tells Stacey that she has a great voice and personality, and it takes strength to go through the three months of competition. Despina is not going through (and she weeps copious amounts of mascara over her face); which means Stacey is. - "We love you! You're in the final top three!" Stacey comes out and hyperventilates at Dermot, and then rings her family. Including her baby.

In Italy, it is raining. Dermot is under an umbrella in the middle of the deluge, and wonders if Mother Nature is trying to tell Louis anything. YES, all his acts are an ABOMINATION AGAINST THE NATURAL WORLD. [Or - Mother Nature wants Kandy Rain in the Top 12. - Steve] Louis tells Dermot he has changed his mind overnight about who he's putting through. All the acts say the usual stuff about their dreams and wanting everything lots.

Suddenly it stops raining, meaning Louis can break news to people outside. De-Tour tell Louis they are nervous; Louis tells them they have great voices and likeability, but wonders about their star quality, and so he is sending them home. Dermot does manly backslapping. Next up, Miss Frank - Louis loved Graziella as a soloist, and likes them as a group, so they're through. Thank fuck for that; everyone else in this category is shit or hateable or both. All three of them rush out and mob Dermot.

Louis is glad he gave Harmony Hood a lifeline, but he is not sure the public will understand them, so he's sending them home. Louis thinks Kandy Rain are sexy and sassy, and is putting them through. Seriously, who is going to vote for this mob? If straight teenage boys voted in this, then yes, maybe, but they DON'T. [I agree, but who else is worth putting through? At least this lot can get a couple of tabloid exposes to up the show's publicity - Rad]

John and Edward apparently have great potential and remind Louis of Boyzone. Louis has always liked Project A, but he is not sure they have the wow factor. He has thought long and hard about his decision, and of course he is putting John and Edward through. They're from IRELAND, you know.

Time for Cheryl to announce her decisions. Rikki is a twat and we hate him. He cries about wanting people to believe in him. Cheryl tells him she is proud of him, but she is upset that he does not believe in himself. [I have my doubts that someone who lacked self-belief would audition four times for a show that claims to be searching for a superstar. - Steve] She says it wasn't an easy decision, but she is putting him through. GOD. He promises that he will win it for her. Hang on, did he really say that? Manly hug from Dermot.

Lloyd thinks Cheryl understands his passion. Fnar. Cheryl tells Ethan that he wasn't as good as he'd been previously, and tells Lloyd that he shocked her yesterday because he really delivered, but she is worried about how young he is. Ethan hasn't made it through. But Lloyd has. Srsly, Cheryl? Where are OUR bits of fluff this series then? "I mean it, Lloyd....you have to become a little man," she tells him. [I hate Lloyd with the burning intensity of a thousand suns, so he'll probably win. - Steve]

The little musical theatre gay thinks it's time they found someone different on the show. Like Rhydian? Cheryl isn't sure she can bring the best out of him. Which is probably fair enough. And then she's about to announce her decision, and changes her mind and wanders off. How fucking rude. She talks off-camera, saying, "It just doesn't feel right." Then madam decides she's ready to carry on, and apologises to Daniel. She says that he is so specific in his style of singing, she couldn't take him through. But - wasn't that what she was saying before? So what didn't feel right? [That the attention was on someone else, probably. - Steve] [I don't know what was odder - what Cheryl did, or the fact they didn't edit it out. The nation did not approve of her actions, or choices, going on the Twitter response last night. Memo to Nation's Sweetheart: Mentoring - you're doing it wrong - Rad]

Duane From Da Hood (who keeps crying) is next to find out. Cheryl thinks his passion makes him rigid. HAHAHAHAHA. She then tells Joe that she always felt like she knew him, because he is from South Shields. (She doesn't say that. That's me extrapolating.) She has put her head over her heart, and put sentiment to one side. But she has made her decision - Duane is not going through (and he shakes and sobs like he's been in a car crash); obviously Joe is, but that was a foregone conclusion.

Now we're over in LA, where the over 25s have had a long and sleepless night. Danyl shouted a lot and twatted around the stage a lot, but he realises that nothing is a given in this category. Simon puts on a funny voice to say, "Hello, Danyl!" Also, his contestants don't get to sit down - they have to stand in front of him while he's seated, a bit like a medieval monarch. [And stand right in front of a pool, leading me to hope that one of them might fall in during the obligatory losing-all-sensation-in-the-knees moment. - Steve] Anyway, he was disappointed, but he's still taking him through to the live finals.

The others all talk to Dermot about being nervous. We are reminded that Daniel "gave up" music seven years ago, and that it was very difficult for him. Simon tries to do empathy with him and fails. Simon wonders if Treyc has the personality to shine among 12 acts. Olly was the subject of a lengthy conversation between Simon and Sinitta. Simon says it's about giving someone a first shot, so Daniel is out. Treyc didn't make it either. Olly is through, though, because Simon likes to take risks.

Nicole declares this to be the biggest moment of her life, and she is worried about seeing "the big boy", because Simon was the one judge to say "no" to her at the first audition. Simon believes Jamie is what he says on the tin. What? Simon is worried about Nicole's bad habits and club singing style. [But she has a DEAD DAD. Does not compute. - Rad] So it's bad news for her and no grown-up ladies through to the final 12, but a plethora of annoying men [all of whom messed up big style at judges' houses. Pah. - Rad]. Simon tries to fake Jamie out with: "Jamie, you're going home. With an invitation to the live finals." That was mean too. Weirdo judges.

Next week! The first live show - Joe McElderry, Lloyd Daniels, Rikki Loney (who we hate; Cheryl says he is quirky, which is what she said about Diana THE CLAW Vickers); Stacey Solomon, Lucie Jones, Rachel Adedeji; Kandy Rain (who Louis thinks everyone will love), Miss Frank, John and Edward; Olly Murs, Danyl Johnson, and Jamie Archer.

Apparently everything next week is ALL-NEW! Special guest stars are Alexandra BURKE and Robbie WILLIAMS! It's another two-show weekend, so join us then!