Like the one in a film I'd seen

Performance Show 7: 25th November 2006

I had another of my X Factor premonitions this morning: I woke up with this really vivid feeling that I knew who'd gone out of the show last night. My gut instinct was telling me that Eton Road and Leona would be in the bottom two, with Eton Road going home. It was so vivid that I was visualising news reports talking about it, and everything. Now, I'm not going to say at this point whether my vision was right or not; I just wanted to draw everyone's attention to the deleterious effect this show is having on my sanity. Seriously: it can't end soon enough. (And yes, I'm aware that a vision of something that happened in the past is more of a postmonition than a premonition, but I believe my point still stands, so be quiet.) Anyway, on with the show.

Last week: Louis threw a hissy fit with the acts who were in the bottom two; Simon voted to send Robert home, and not before time. This week there is destined to be drama aplenty, with Leona falling ill, and other stuff like that there. The exuberant voiceover welcomes the judges, and Sharon is wearing some kind of alarming wrap-type thing that makes it look like she could smother you without moving her arms. The finalists come onto the stage, and Ray is wearing another 1950s style suit, so we can "look forward to" more Twat Packery from him. Sharon's group looks rather small now that it just consists of Gentle Ben, obviously. The MacDougall Brothers are still there, despite all known laws of probability. Kate's top appears to be the evil offspring of Sharon's wrap, and is slinking ever closer to the optimum position to wrap its golden tendrils around her neck and throttle her. Careful there, Kate. Kate tells us that it's getting tough, and tonight's theme is songs from the movies. Each act will have to perform two songs: one ballad, and one uptempo number, to prove their versatility. Two songs? Oh, crap. Just when I thought they might actually start making this damn millstone around my neck a little lighter, they whack on another slab of granite.

This week we're starting with Simon and the 16-24s, namely Leona. Simon VTs that Leona has an aura that lights up a room. Maybe Leona's aura could get together with my visions and have a full-on new-age party. Leona is shown attending a film premiere, and people are cheering for her. Sharon VTs that Leona's voice is perfection, and that she's a young Mariah Carey, "but we have a Mariah Carey. I want to see Leona." That's fair enough, I suppose. Incidentally, Sharon pronounces "Carey" like "Kerry", which makes me think back to an imaginary conversation Sharon might have had with one of her other finalists: "we have a Mariah, Kerry!" Louis thinks Leona's capable of giving an awful lot more. I can't really take Louis seriously at this moment in time because just before I sat down to write this, Katy and I were watching an episode of Charmed with leprechauns in it and they kept reminding me of him, so I keep expecting him to pop out a walking stick and shoot off on the end of a rainbow. Leprechaun - sorry, Louis - says that Simon's playing it safe with Leona, which Simon immediately pooh-poohs, and then there's a lovely grainy black-and-white VT of Leona coughing her guts up. Seriously. There's no glamour like reality TV, is there? Leona has been to the doctor this week, and is not meant to be singing because she's got tonsillitis. Why is everyone on this damn show ill at the moment? Leona assures us, via the medium of VT, that she's not going to give up and will continue on and do her best, because that's what she has to do. Sympathy vote thus assured, the VT ends and she heads onto the stage to perform 'Lady Marmalade' from Moulin Rouge. There's a point where her voice kind of disappears altogether, and she does generally sound a bit croaky, and OH MY GOD. They've changed the lyrics to "voulez-vous chanter avec moi ce soir?", which renders the whole song nonsensical. Also: if the kids watching this show before the watershed are old enough to speak French, they probably already have a fair idea what sex is as well. I think Leona's illness and/or nerves are getting to her on this one: she sings of "black shat-in sheets", which isn't quite such a sexy image as "black satin sheets". However, it's nice to see her doing something a bit more uptempo than usual, and once she gets into her runs in the middle she starts kicking all kinds of ass, again. And if I may be shallow, she looks adorable in her strapless top/jeans/sneakers combo, all casual, like she just found time to pop in to the show between yoga classes. She kind of swallows the last note, and this wasn't her best performance by a long shot, and maybe it was the tonsillitis and maybe it wasn't, it's not my place to make excuses, but somehow I still have my suspicions it will still end up being one of the better performances of the evening. Sharon says that it's great to hear Leona singing something uptempo, and says that she looks "age-appropriated" in the jeans, and that it was fresh, young, and she loved it. Louis agrees with Sharon, and then says, hilariously: "you got it all goin' on, girl!". Louis is from the streets, y'all. Fo' shizzay. I mentally reserve Louis a place on the "learning to accept that you cannot pull off hipster lingo" workshop I attended once. Simon calls it "on the money" and a great start to the show, and says he can't wait for her second song. There's no time to talk to Leona, as everyone's singing twice tonight. Leona kisses Kate on the cheek, the better to ensure she keeps her germs to herself, and exits.

We're back from the ads, and Louis pulls off a bizarre Eurovision homage by announcing primly "Good evening Kate, and good evening Scotland" in what I think is an attempted RP accent. It's weird, and with that and Louis's earlier attempt at being ghetto fabulous, I wonder if he's been drinking before the show. Or possibly during. Lord knows that's the only way I can get through it. It's the MacDougall Brothers. Simon VTs that everyone thinks he hates them, and that's not true. He says that for them "to reach the top five on a show of this scale is phenomenal". I'm not sure if that's meant as a good thing or not. Blond MacDougall says that they didn't expect to make it this far after their many tongue-lashings from Simon, apparently oblivious to the fact that Simon's treatment of them is probably precisely what helped them to get this far in the first place. Does the other one ever speak, by the way? And which one is Craig, and which one is Brian? I mean, I can tell Eton Road apart but I still don't know which of these guys is which. Louis VTs that they need to up their game and show more personality. They also went to the "fillum premiere", and I'm trying to figure out which film, but they're not making it hugely obvious. They get photographed with some fans, for whom I feel sorry. I'll start a charity to try to cure them, I think. They're singing a rather lispy version of 'When You Say Nothing At All' from Notting Hill, and for one moment of insanity I actually think they're going to do some kind of Hi-NRG version or something, because the music slows right down to the point where you half-expect some kind of enormous dance beat to kick in. That doesn't happen, of course, although it would have been brilliant, and would have convinced me to vote for them. Instead, they bland their way through one of the blander songs that modern music has to offer, and their continued presence in this show must mean that more empty-nesters watch this show than I previously expected. Silent MacDougall fluffs his words at one point, and the camera cuts to Sharon clutching her hair for some reason, which is quite funny. Eventually it ends, just as boringly as it began. Is "boringly" even a word? Simon calls it "dreary", and the audience boos him even though he's completely right. Sharon says they look "really wicked" tonight. I suspected there was something demonic that contributed to their tenure on this show. Sharon's probably got contacts in Hades, after all. She calls it a "pleasant song, well sung", but admits it won't set the world on fire. Except in the aforementioned demonic pact, naturally, wherein we shall all perish. Louis tells them they've proved "someone" wrong, and they make the final, and Simon's making the "natter natter natter" gesture with his hand throughout, which is supremely childish but still not wholly unamusing. Kate reads out the voting numbers, and Silent MacDougall looks a bit like he's going to cry.

Sharon introduces "Big Ben". Oh, EW. I don't want to learn the etymology of that nickname - I'm going to stick to calling him Gentle Ben, thanks. Gentle Ben VTs that he was the most nervous he's ever been last Saturday. Simon thought he was very good. Sharon thinks he's raised the bar. Simon doesn't want him to wash his hair for a week because he's looking a bit Farrah Fawcett at the moment. I swear to God I did not just make that up. Sharon thinks he's back on track. Gentle Ben also went to the Great Unnamed Film Premiere. He reminds us that he used to erect (snigger) marquees. Sharon says he's what the contest needs, and Gentle Ben says that if he leaves on Saturday, the red carpet gets swept away from under his feet. Nice to see that Legit Music Boy has his eyes focused on what really matters, eh? Simon points out that Sharon's got one act left, Louis is "on the ropes", and now he's enjoying himself. Sharon doesn't care because her remaining act is a "diamond", which I'm sure is very reassuring to Robert as he sits at home waiting for that next child to pop out and wondering how he's going to feed it. Gentle Ben is going to give it everything, apparently. Oh God, the damn piano's back. He's singing 'Live And Let Die', because it was inconceivable that this week would pass without someone doing a Bond theme, although I'm sad because I wanted Eton Road to do 'License To Kill'. Not-So-Gentle Ben attacks the chorus with what some might call vigour, but what I would call ill grace. It's a bit too raucous, I think. And then it all goes completely crazy and whoever's really playing the piano appears to be having a fit of some kind. I mean, I know that part of the brilliance of this song is the fact that it's about three different songs rolled into one, but this is just noise. Also, he gets the words wrong. I happen to know the words to this song very well, because people mishearing the line "and if this ever-changing world in which we're living makes you give in and cry" is one of my friend Fraser's biggest musical pet peeves. (Gentle Ben sings the urban legend grammar-defying version, i.e. "and in this ever-changing world in which we're living", in case you were wondering.) These shows always get the words to Bond themes wrong, because I remember Laura Doherty getting the words to 'License To Kill' wrong the week she was booted off the original Pop Idol. But I digress. The song ends, and it was kind of bizarre. Louis tells Gentle Ben that it was another powerful performance, and that he's a great piano player. Simon tells Gentle Ben the song choice was brilliant, and he loved that he put on a show, "like Bonfire Night". Sharon tells him that he progresses each week, and she thinks he'll be incredible in a year's time. Jesus, this show isn't going to run for THAT long, is it? Kate, voting numbers, no talky with contestants. You know the drill.

Back from the ads, and Louis forgoes the Eurovision intro for Eton Road. In their VT, James says that last week they didn't know what happened, and Daniel says that they felt they'd let everyone down by landing in the bottom two, including Louis. We flash back to Louis's Terrifying Face Of Inner Turmoil at that moment, and we learn that certain moments in life were not intended to be freeze-framed. Shudder. Louis wonders if maybe they tried too hard, and perhaps they should've played safe "like everybody else". Oh, so that's this week's dog-with-a-bone, is it? Simon says that he could see they were terrified: "Louis had them all wearing Spandex, I'd be terrified." Hee! Louis sent the boys back to Liverpool to drum up some support, because he seems to think that only people's hometowns vote for them. Some days I really want to know what the inside of Louis's brain looks like. Does this mean they didn't get to go to the premiere of the Famous Anonymous Film? Wouldn't that have been better, exposure-wise? They did get to turn on the Christmas lights in their hometown, though, and they look gleeful and proud while they're doing it, and I just want to adopt them all because they're so darn cute. David says that their trip home showed them they have support, and they're going to come back fighting this week. Oh, there we go: they're at the premiere, hugging fans. That makes me feel better. They're singing 'Everybody Needs Somebody To Love' from The Blues Brothers, and...oh dear. Poor Eton Road. Their vocals sound really weak on this song. And it's been rearranged to put some more harmonies in it, but the harmonies just sound weird. They're very, very cute and I love them to bits, but this really isn't very good at all, and I feel bad for them, because I don't think it's their fault. It all kind of falls apart in the middle as well - there's a bit where I think it was just left for them to ad lib, but it's rather messy. There's one bit that I love, where the music cuts out and then they just go "whoooooooooah" on a rising note back into the song, but that's pretty much the only high point. Oh, boys. I'm so sorry. Sharon opens the judges' comments by saying that their harmonies were much better than last week, "unbelievably good, really spot-on". Simon says it was fun, but it was a very weird choice of song, like Louis just picked it randomly out of a hat. Simon tries to continue his comments, but Louis talks over him by saying that the audience loved it and they deserve to be here, so Simon gets out of his chair and totally Clay Aikens him so that he can finish his point, which is: he thought it felt as though Louis had given up on them. Louis sadly does not pull a Kelly Ripa of his own by telling Simon that he doesn't know where his hand has been (which would have left the door wide open for Sharon to be Rosie O'Donnell and declare that comment "homophobic" and open up a whole 'nother can of worms). Instead, Louis says "Can I say one more thing? Simon said something about spandex - he is Mr Spandex. You are, Simon!" Wow. That plumbs a whole new level of nonsense and pointlessness for a judge's comment on this show. I didn't even think that was possible. In breaking news: Louis is rubber and Simon is glue. Kate exhorts us to vote for them, and they rather adorably point to themselves when she mentions their individual names. Seriously: can they come and live in my house? It'd be cramped, but they'd be well-fed and they'd want for nothing.

Ray's VT is vomitous, because he smugs on about how this experience is so incredibly awesome, meeting celebrities and having your hair shampooed for you and then going out to perform on stage. I have now passed the stage of merely wanting to punch him and have graduated to wanting to drown him. In a bath of his own urine. Flashback to last week's godawful performance of 'Livin' La Vida Loca' and Sharon calling him "panto boy", which Ray disputes. Simon calls the panto thing "today's insult", and then there's another shot of last week's performance which was definitely not Ray doing pelvic thrusts, because I poured a whole bottle of neat Domestos into my brain to remove all memory of that. Simon says that whether they like it or not, Ray's made the final five and he wants to win. Yes, and I want to find Jensen Ackles under my tree at Christmas wearing nothing but a red ribbon and a big smile, but it doesn't mean that's going to happen, or indeed that it ought to happen. The point, you say? Right. Footage of Ray at No-Name Premiere, where he was all "Yeah, baby! Quinny's arrived!" Again, I am quoting verbatim. I couldn't make that shit up if I tried. He looks all pudgy, and like he just walked off the stage in a low-budget production of Oliver! He's determined to show Sharon that he's an "entertainer", not a panto boy. Yes, because the difference is so pronounced. He's singing 'The Way You Look Tonight', which is from some film at some point in time. How interesting that Ray chose to perform some more swing music in the week where the contestants have been asked to demonstrate their versatility. There's something really creepy about the whole thing - like there's so much grease oozing out of him that it could turn into some kind of omnivorous monster and devour us all. Louis calls it Ray's best performance yet, and Sharon agrees, and says that he's hugely talented and a great entertainer. Simon says "good for him" for that performance, and says that it felt like Ray chose the song rather than someone choosing it for him, blah blah blah looked and sounded great, and oh my God am I the only person in the world who was so skeeved by that performance that my insides actually crawled out of my skin and curled up in the foetal position? In Australia? Jeez.

Interestingly, the voting lines open now, although the performances haven't finished (you were hoping it was over too, right?), so I guess they must want to make as much money out of this as they can. Adverts, and the M&S Christmas advert prompts me to think the deeply unsettling thought that Ray and Erin would have the smuggest-looking babies in the world. Hold on, I just need to pop out for some more Domestos.

Okay, I'm back. We're back, and thankfully there are no second sets of VTs, just Simon introducing Leona who will be singing 'I Will Always Love You' from The Bodyguard. It's more subdued than Whitney's version (possibly again due to the tonsillitis) and actually reminds me slightly more of the infinitely superior and way less creepy Dolly Parton original. Even when Leona's vocals might not be on top form, one thing she continues to do is utterly nail the emotion behind the song, and that's pretty hard to do in my experience. It's a shame that towards the end it turns into complete Whitney karaoke, and I wonder how well Leona will do with songs that no one has sung before her (but then, given that this year's winner's song is rumoured to be a cover of Kelly Clarkson's 'A Moment Like This', perhaps she'll never have to worry). Whoops and cheers for Leona as she finishes. Sharon: "Bravo, Leona. Another faultless performance." Louis tells her it's a difficult song to sing, and she made it her own (not quite, if you ask me), and he declares it "as good as the original Whitney version". Whitney's version wasn't the original, Louis. Do your research. Simon thanks the other judges and calls Leona a "trooper" for taking on the song when she didn't have to, and says that it's the best version of that song he's ever song. Leona tells the judges that their comments inspire her, and she loves singing, which I think is stuff we've all heard before. Leona's talented and everything, but she's maybe a little dull. This was probably her worst week vocally, but now that I've seen everyone else I'm less worried about her.

MacDougall Brothers, singing 'I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)' from Benny And Joon. Heh, for the obscure choice of movie, but I'm not surprised they made these two do a Proclaimers song at some point. The Journey South Memorial Guitar Of Irrelevance returns in its electric form, and this song is so completely hilarious. They're enjoying themselves performing it, and it's perhaps the first performance of theirs that can genuinely be called "fun", but I still don't quite see how they fit into the modern pop music in any way at all. Oh, and the Creepy Incest Vibes make an unwelcome reappearance at the end, as well. Sharon says for the first time they owned the stage, and thinks that performance should see them into the final. Simon: "I'm gonna hate myself for this - that was very good." Louis claps himself and draws attention to the fact that "somebody here is backtracking". Kate gives Blond and Silent the opportunity to respond to their first real praise from Simon, and Blond responds to it...the same way he responds to Simon's negative feedback, by saying that he hopes Simon can see how hard they're trying. Well, that was anticlimactic.

Sharon completely fails to read the autocue with any skill whatsoever, and makes a big deal about how she only has one act left and really needs the votes, which is the sort of thing that she said she wouldn't do last week. Things Sharon forgot to mention there: the name of her act, the title of the song, and the movie it's from. No wonder nobody watches her chat show. Allow me to enlighten you, since I have more professionalism in my left nipple than Sharon has in her entire body, apparently, and I'm not even being paid to do this: Gentle Ben will be singing 'Your Song' from Moulin Rouge. Hmm. Given that Moulin Rouge made a virtue of using existing pop songs to comment on its story, isn't it rather a cop-out to use those tracks in songs from the movies week? I mean, I know the rules are all open to interpretation and all, but...oh, never mind. As if anyone cares. This show (and Leona and Gentle Ben, specifically) owes Baz Luhrmann a drink at some point, and we'll just leave it at that. The song's a little bit low for Gentle Ben's vocal range, although he uses the gravelly stuff to hide it as best he can. Where I said earlier about Leona always managing to pick up on the emotion of a song, I think that's exactly what's missing here: there's nothing terribly romantic about Gentle Ben's interpretation of this track. It's just kind of workmanlike and dull, and I don't really believe it. The volume gets amped up by a major factor at the end which helps a little bit, but it's too little too late from where I'm standing. Louis's comments: "Ray, you know I think you're a very talented singer and musician..." That's not a mistake on my part; Louis actually called him Ray. Louis says that this will be the beginning of a great career for Gentle Ben, although he preferred his earlier performance. Simon thinks Gentle Ben had a really good night on both songs, and that's really all he has to say. Sharon agrees with Simon, and tells Gentle he should be proud of himself. Gentle Ben says that he's had a tough week (sorry Gentle, if you want the sympathy vote, we want footage of you at the doctor's, or at the very least a note from your mum. WHO IS DEAD. Sorry, old habits are hard to break) and says that the only way he's not coming back next week is if he doesn't get enough votes. Well, it's nice to see that after all this time he's grasped the basic mechanics of this show's elimination process. Good for him.

Is this still not over? Bloody hell. Eton Road will be singing 'Can You Feel The Love Tonight?' from The Lion King. The opening note is the same as the opening note of 'Flashdance (What A Feeling)', which amuses me. Their vocals are wobbly, and James sounds notably flat. When they harmonise on the chorus, it's also pretty off-sounding. This hasn't been a good night for Eton Road at all. There are some points where their harmonies are absolutely bang-on, and it sounds lovely, but the points where the harmonies are off are pretty hard to ignore. At the end of the song there's a great moment where a wide shot of the studio catches one of the production staff grabbing something off the front of the stage under the dry ice and hurling it backwards, but I can't quite tell what it is. The audience chants for them, but Simon calls the performance "painting by numbers", and says that he genuinely believes Louis has decided to back the MacDougalls and he doesn't care about them any more. He thinks they should have been showcased better at this stage in the competition, that in effect they are better than the songs, and he thinks they're vulnerable. Sharon says it was "nice" but not great. Louis tries to cut her off, and Sharon shrieks like a banshee to shut him up, not that what she has left to say is particularly noteworthy. Louis tells them that Simon's trying to mess with their heads and turn them against each other, and is this season four of Buffy the Vampire Slayer or have I missed something? Louis takes the opportunity to publicly declare that he wants to work with them after the show and turn them into the next big boyband whatever happens, which does kind of imply that he thinks they're going home tonight. Daniel and David tell Kate that they were really happy with Louis's song choices for them this week, and Kate waves them off.

Ray will be singing 'Jailhouse Rock' from Jailhouse Rock. It hasn't even started yet, and already I can't bear it. I can only assume that Ray hasn't bothered to learn the words to this song, because he sure as hell can't be bothered to enunciate them. Seriously, to listen to it, it's like "nananananana county jail, nanananananasomethingail". He does the pelvic thrust again, and there just isn't enough bleach in the world. I hate this show. Some sadistic cameraman actually does a close up of it, because this show hates me back. It keeps almost ending and then starting up again, and must they actually make me cry? I think that was arguably the worst performance of the entire series. All three of them. Sharon calls it a "very good performance" despite the old song. Louis says that Ray gave it 100%, and says he loves the "choreoke". I think he's just invented a new choreography/karaoke hybrid craze there, but we'll assume he meant the choreography, which by the way was exactly like something out of a painful school talent show. Louis then tells Ray that Simon believes Leona is going to win, because he has to fight bullshit with bullshit. I want to bang their heads together, but the worst part of this is that Louis is making out like it's him trying to do Ray a favour, instead of the stupid fake feud that they insist on ramming down our throats because they think it's what we want to see. Simon asks Louis why he insists upon being obnoxious and I neither know nor care. Simon avows his faith in Ray and calls him "fearless", while failing to point out the many other things Ray lacks: modesty, decency, talent, relevance, and a good smack in the face being just some of the examples that spring to mind.

Video recap: Leona was ill, but still worked her Christina-impersonation mojo, the MacDougall Brothers were dull but invincible, Gentle Ben played the piano standing up, Eton Road had what I can only describe as "an off week", and Ray was sick in an entirely different way to Leona. They, for some reason, go through everybody's numbers twice rather than seguing the two performances together while the number's up once, but who am I to point out how utterly stupid that is when there's time to be filled in an already insanely bloated show? Kate tells us the vote is tight, and promises us a performance from Il Divo (sigh) during the results, then it's Thornton: out.

Results show

Okay, I'm going to shorthand this because I've already spent far too long writing about this horrible, horrible programme: earlier tonight, people sang on your television. Perhaps you voted for them. Perhaps like me you watched Strictly Come Dancing instead and went to the pub afterwards, barely giving this show a second thought. Still, apparently two million votes were cast, but ITV and Fremantle Media still want your money, so Kate tries to convince us to vote again. The clip of Leona that they use in her 'Lady Marmalade' clip is one of the moments where the note gets stuck in her throat, which may or may not be deliberate. Then there is Il Divo. Do you care? I don't, so I'm skipping ahead. Afterwards, Kate throws backstage to the contestants. Leona has been sick all week, but tried to give it her best this week. She admits her first performance was "a bit shaky", but hopes she did enough. The MacDougall Brothers got praise from Simon, but hope that they've got the public vote. Ben thinks everyone did well, but hopes he got through. Eton Road were in the bottom two last week, but hope they've done enough to avoid being there again. Ray says he's feeling scared, but that implies he is capable of feeling human emotions and therefore is an obvious and shameless untruth. Ad break!

Back from the break, and Kate tells us that the voting lines are almost closed before welcoming everyone back to the stage. See, I actually typed that before it happened, because this show is formulaic. Apparently tonight's vote was the biggest vote at this stage in the history of the show, for what that's worth. The lines close, with the same whoosh that we had last week, and Kate wishes everyone luck. The acts definitely coming back next week are: the MacDougall Brothers, Leona and Ray. Apparently Ray actually has to eat an endangered animal and then defecate on a live baby onstage before people stop voting for him. Kate asks Gentle Ben why he thinks he's in the bottom two, and he replies it's because he didn't get enough votes. He's ever so literal. Eton Road are going to fight for it as ever. Simon does the smug "I don't know what I'm looking for yet" thing which I hate and find completely disrespectful to the contestants, and I expect more professionalism from him. Eton Road sing 'Can You Feel The Love Tonight?' and while David's opener is stronger than the first time, James is flat again and also fluffs his words. There are some missed harmonies again, and this doesn't look good for them. Ben sings 'Your Song' again, and it's pretty much the same as before, in a technically proficient but uninspiring way.

Louis says that he thinks both of these acts will be having hit records this time next year, and he doesn't think this is the end of either of them. He votes to send Ben home, eventually. Sharon doesn't say anything for ages, but we all know she's going to say Eton Road, so this is totally stupid. She eventually votes to send them home in a choked-up voice. Simon is enjoying this far too much and I lose a lot of respect for him as a result. Seriously: show some compassion and wipe that smirk off your face. Don't make me hate you like I hate Louis. Simon says that he's got a decision to make, and wonders if he should vote to send home the biggest threat to his own artist, and the audience rightfully boos him. He is being such a jerk tonight. Kate hassles him for a decision, and eventually Simon votes to send Eton Road home. Ben launches into a big manhug and gays them all up real nice, and Kate consoles them by pointing out that they nearly didn't make it to the live shows at all. We see the famous point in their best moments VT where Louis breaks it to them that they're in the live show after all, and Anthony and David almost totally make out with each other. I'm going to miss linking to that. James says they're happy to have got that far, and Kate tells Anthony to see how much they're loved because Sharon's in tears. Anthony says he's not crying because he's sad, but just because of how great the whole experience has been. Louis vows to get them a recording contract, and I kind of hope that this isn't the last we see of them because I think they're adorable, as I've already mentioned, although I'm not sure if they necessarily have a recording career ahead of them. Whatever happens, I'm going to enjoy the show a lot less without them next week, where I shall be dealing with Leona and three other acts I can't really bring myself to like. Kate tells us they're fighting for a spot in the semi-finals, which means there are three more weeks of this crap. Just kill me now.