Just to make it clear what this blog is to concern itself with: we (that is to say Joel and I) will be providing updates on The X Factor on what we hope will be a weekly basis - retelling what happened on the show with our own detached commentary, either for people who enjoy sarcasm or for people who might have missed the show and want to find out what happened.
This week, in brief: people auditioned! They were judged! Most of them were awful! Tony Blair turned up in Manchester! People were thrown out by security! Simon smacked Louis down! Men auditioned in dresses! And this all in the space of an hour. We may need to take some kind of sedative.
If all goes to plan, expect the first update later this week.